Grammatical Diet (Humour)

Calabar

February 2nd 1929
Kind Sir, 
On opening this epistle you will behold the work of a dejobbed person, and a very bewifed and much childrenised gentleman. 
Who was violently dejobbed in a twinkling by your goodself. For Heavens sake Sir consider this catastrophe as falling on your own head, and remind yourself as walking home at the moon’s end of five savage wives and sixteen voracious children with your pocket filled with non-existent £ S D; not a solitudery sixpence; pity my horrible state when being dejobbed and proceeding with a heart and intestines filled with misery to this den of doom; myself did greedily contemplate culpable homicide, but Him who did protect Daniel (poet) safely through the lion’s dens will protect his servant in his home of evil. 
As to reason given by yourself — goodself — esquire for my dejobbment the incrimination was laziness. 
No Sir. It were impossible that myself who has pitched sixteen infant children into this valley of tears, can have a lazy atom in his mortal frame, and the sudden departure of eleven pounds monthly has left me on the verge of the abyss of destitution and despair. I hope this vision of horror will enrich your dreams this night, and good Angel will meet and pulverise your heart of nether milestone so that you will awaken, and with as much alacrity as may be compatable with your personal safety, you will hasten to rejobulate your servant. 
So mote it be – Amen
Yours despairfully
Sgd. Asuquo Okon Inyang.

Advertisements

Benefits of Black Tea

Source: http://www.byrdie.co.uk/black-tea-benefits

When it comes to boosting metabolism, coffee and matcha have long been the beverages of choice. But according to a new study, black tea is a secret weight-loss hero.

Green tea molecules are small enough to alter energy metabolism in the liver, whereas black tea molecules are too large. However, according to the study published in the European Journal of Nutrition, researchers discovered that black tea polyphenols stimulate the growth of good gut bacteria and the formation of short-chain fatty acids instead, which have been shown to boost metabolic rate.

Both black tea and green tea were proven to lower the number of gut bacteria linked to obesity while increasing the bacteria responsible for lean body mass. But now there is proof that black tea revs up your metabolism too.

“The results suggest that both green and black teas are prebiotics, substances that induce the growth of good microorganisms that contribute to a person’s well-being,” said Susanne Henning, lead author of the study and a human nutrition professor at UCLA.

“Our new findings suggest that black tea, through a specific mechanism through the gut microbiome, may also contribute to good health and weight loss in humans,” she said, adding, “For black tea lovers, there may be a new reason to keep drinking it.”

The best exercise for weight loss, according to science

Source: http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/fitness/weight-loss/the-best-exercise-for-weight-loss-according-to-science/news-story/26d5623a9496264f5cd0e58804675a17

 

THE problem with exercise as a weight loss strategy is many of us use it as a way justify an extra slice of pizza or another glass of wine.

But as it turns out, how hungry you are post workout depends on how intense or how long that workout really was.

recent study published in Journal of Endocrinology recruited 16 healthy, fit young men (sorry, no women due to controlling for the effects of women’s menstrual cycles). Participants were split into two groups: One group focused on intensity, ranging from an easy jog for 55 minutes (50% of their maximum capacity) to a more vigorous pace for 36 minutes (75% of maximum capacity), until they burned around 600 calories.

The second group focused on length with a run for 45 minutes at a steady pace on one day, followed by a run for 90 minutes at the same pace on another day (70% of maximum capacity). Throughout the experiment, both groups ate standard meals and levels of ghrelin — a hormone thought to influence appetite was measured. Generally speaking, when ghrelin levels rise, so does hunger.

Results reveal that our appetites certainly are strange, influenced by many factors beyond hormones and burning calories. In general, exercise lowered ghrelin (making people less hungry) with the effects being more pronounced when runs were vigorous (above 75% maximum capacity) and longer (90 minutes) compared to gentler jogging or briefer runs (45 minutes).

Interestingly, hormones remained suppressed one-hour post workout when workouts were the longest. What’s more, those who ran for 90 minutes reported feeling less hungry compared to those who carried out short, intense workouts, who soon felt peckish, despite still having low levels of ghrelin in their blood.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Granted the study was small and did not follow up whether participants had replaced the calories they had burned post workout, but this study shows that some types of exercise may be better than others at blunting appetite and potentially aiding in weight management. That is, you may wish to increase the duration of each session if you want to whittle the waistline.

WHY YOU’RE HUNGRY AFTER A WORKOUT

It’s true that we’re not all the same when it comes to weight loss and there are individual differences in the effect exercise has on appetite. Despite it boiling down to the type of workout you’re doing (intense vs. low-intensity sessions), studies show that the level of fitness also impacts appetite.

In other words, the less fit you are, the more famished you’ll be. That’s because your body and brain haven’t gotten used to your workout habit yet, suggesting that a regular exercise habit might help us to regulate our appetites better.

Another reason is dehydration. Many times our bodies mistake thirst for hunger, so if you’re not drinking enough water throughout your workout, hunger may be intensified.

BOTTOM LINE

Let’s remember exercise has many other benefits irrespective of weight loss: elevated mood, immune boosting, reduced blood pressure, and improved fitness, to name a few.

Current Australian physical activity guidelines recommend 150-300 minutes of “moderate” intensity physical activity or 75-150 minutes of “vigorous” activity a week.

Australians are nowhere near active enough, and for someone trying to keep their weight in check, guidelines recommend adults increase to 300 minutes (five hours) or 60 minutes of moderate intensity activity on most days of the week.

Kathleen Alleaume is an exercise and nutrition scientist and author of What’s Eating You?

How long should it take to lose weight?

Source: http://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/nutrition/nutrition-tips/how-long-should-it-take-to-lose-weight/news-story/451506479356c096ed10f6093e1c4148

This article initially appeared on news.com.au and has been republished here with permission.

We’re constantly confronted by before and after shots. People who’ve “changed their bodies in six weeks” or “got their pre-baby body back”.

But how long does it really take to lose weight? Here’s the science behind weight loss.

What to expect

If you’ve asked your doctor or trainer “how long does it take to lose weight?”, you may as well have asked how long is a piece of string. There are numerous factors that affect people’s weight loss — from age, fitness, health status to lifestyle.

That said, a realistic rate of weight loss for most people is around 0.5-1kg a week. Weight loss can plateau and yo-yo, so there is no designated time period to ditch that extra layer of fat — despite the common 12-week challenges.

You need to continually mix it up, keep focused and set achievable short and long-term goals.

Weight loss vs fat loss

Seeing the scales flash two kilos in a week doesn’t necessarily mean all your hard work is paying off. There’s three explanations for weight loss: losing body fat, losing water and losing muscle.

With a balanced diet and regular physical activity, you’ll most likely shed fat and preserve lean muscle tissue (ideal world). However, if you’re more focused on your calorie restriction or following the latest fad diet at the expense of exercise, then you’ll lose all three components, but most likely more muscle and water.

This may appear great on the scales, but the results are never long-lived. Why? If you regain the weight, more fat and less muscle is replaced. Then once you come off the “diet”, your body thinks another famine is coming and works hard to store away whatever energy it can — most likely as fat. You are left with a body that jiggles instead of one that is toned.

Age vs fitness age

If you’ve noticed losing weight gets tougher with age, you’re not wrong. As you get older your body loses muscle mass, which slows your base metabolic rate (the rate at which it burns calories).

But that’s not the only age that affects weight loss. Your fitness age — the number of years you’ve been physically active for — determines your base level physique and the speed at which you shed kilos.

If you’re new to training (or overweight) and start exercising 3-4 times a week and eating healthily, then you could lose up to 2 kilos a week. Alternatively, if you’ve been training 3-4 times a week and eating correctly for a while, you’ll probably lose weight a steadier pace.

Get a grip of your lifestyle

Losing weight can be more complex than just eating healthily and exercising. If you’re struggling to shift the scales, consider the role your lifestyle plays. Are you stressed? Not getting enough sleep? Are your friends and family helping you stay on track? Or perhaps you have underlying health issues?

The conclusion

Every body is individual. Not one size fits all. You can train and eat exactly like someone else and have entirely different results.

While most experts would agree that 0.5-1kg a week is realistic, the truth of the matter is that slow and steady wins the race.

Not the message you really want to hear, I know.

Kathleen Alleaume is a nutritionist and exercise physiologist and Author of What’s Eating You?

Taking care of you 

*1.* Any food you consume after 8 P.M. everyday is equally a

poison to your body?
*2.* If you can follow the water therapy for 3 months religiously, your skin, your body and your organs begins to function well?
*3.* Do you know Breakfast is the most important meal of the

day; If you must skip any meal, it shouldn’t be breakfast?
*4.* Do you know too much red meat is very dangerous to your health?
*5.* Do you know people who smile always live longer, look younger and are more healthier than their counter part who does not?
*Listen:*

 You can use the most expensive cream on your body; you can take the best care of your body, but *HONEY* with *BANANA* can make your skin glow, make it look good and make people ask you the kind of cream you are using.
*6.* For every bottle of soft drink you consume, you have just taken 9cubes of sugar, and it takes 7 days for it to wash off your body; men increase their likelihood of having a heart attack by 20 percent.
*7.* Fried meat is a killer; It is damaging your body.
*8.* People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level.
*9.* Drinking water only when you are thirsty is obtaining a license to damage your liver.
*10.* Holding your urine when you are supposed to let go is

another way you are damaging your liver and kidney.
*11.* Adding salt into your food when it is already served is

another way of slowly poisoning yourself and vital organs?
*12.* Observing the routine of proper eating: Eat BREAKFAST like a KING, LUNCH like a PRINCE and DINNER like a BEGGAR would help you live longer.
Please take care of your health, for HEALTH is WEALTH

Ike Onwubuya

Biomarkers could predict which diets are best for weight loss

Source: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/318335.php

Each year, millions of us go on diets in an attempt to lose weight, but not all of us succeed. A new study has uncovered two biomarkers that could predict how effective certain diets will be for weight loss, particularly for people prediabetes or diabetes.

From an analysis of more than 1,200 adults, researchers found that a person’s fasting blood glucose levels, fasting insulin levels, or both, were effective for pinpointing which diets were most likely to lead to weight loss.

Such biomarkers were especially effective for determining which diets were best for people with prediabetes and diabetes, the researchers report.

Study co-author Dr. Arne Astrup, head of the Department of Nutrition at the University of Copenhagen in Denmark, and colleagues recently published their findings in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition.

According to the American Diabetes Association, around 29.1 million people in the United States have diabetes.

Type 2 diabetes is the most common form of the condition, wherein the body is unable to effectively use the hormone insulin, causing high blood glucose levels.

Prediabetes is a condition in which blood glucose levels are higher than normal, but they are not high enough to warrant a diabetes diagnosis. However, people with prediabetes are at significantly greater risk of developing type 2 diabetes than those without prediabetes.

It is estimated that around 86 million people in the U.S. have prediabetes, but around 90 percent are unaware of it.

Longer weight loss programmes cut disease risk and save money

Source: http://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/news/clinical-news/longer-weight-loss-programmes-cut-disease-risk-and-save-money/20034669.article

GPs should refer patients to year-long weight management programmes rather than the current NICE-recommended 12-week programmes.

That is the finding of a new randomised controlled trial, presented this month in the Lancet, which concluded this would reduce the risk of patients developing diabetes and heart disease and save the NHS money in the longer term.

Researchers from the University of Cambridge recruited over 1,000 people with a BMI of 28 or higher from 23 GP practices, dividing these into three groups.

The first group received brief advice and self-help material; the second group were referred for the NICE-recommended 12-week Weight Watchers programme; and the third group a 12-month Weight Watchers programme.

The researchers found that the 12-week programme was more effective than the advice and self-help option, but the full-year weight-loss scheme was even more effective.

After one year, people who received brief advice lost an average of just over 3kg. Those on the 12-week programme lost 4.75 kg, while those who attended Weight Watchers for a year lost over 6.7 kg.

And, in addition to losing more weight, the people in this group also showed improvements in markers of diabetes and heart disease risk, which was still significant at two years.

The researchers also modelled the cost-effectiveness of the scheme, finding that although it initially costs more than the current NHS standard, the 52-week programme is more cost-effective in the long term due to reductions in disease.

The authors, therefore, recommend that healthcare providers consider extending weight loss referral schemes.

The researchers, who were funded by the National Prevention Research Initiative and Weight Watchers International (as part of an UK Medical Research Council Industrial Collaboration Award), said: ‘We… show, for the first time to our knowledge, that this extended referral achieves improvements in fasting glucose concentration and glycated haemoglobin equivalent to more intensive health professional-led interventions.

‘Using microsimulation modelling, we show for the first time that, over a 25-year period, the 12-week programme is cost-saving compared with a brief intervention, and that the 52-week programme is cost-effective compared with the 12-week programme.’